By Madhavipriya Dasi
I am telling an extraordinary experience.
Bhaktin Daniela, our friend, student and devotee, is close to leave her body. We have known her since 2005. Her character is sweet, cosy and gentle. She has a math degree and works as a coordinator at a university office. She has been ill for several years with an irreversible degenerative disease.
Saturday, 24 January 2009, Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu speaks with bhaktin Daniela on the phone. It is a moving and touching conversation, from heart to heart, from a Guru to his aspiring disciple.
Bhaktin Daniela confides: “I am surprised of the level of realization that I was able to acquire thanks to You. One thing is not being afraid of death theoretically and another thing is not being afraid when you are dying. The biggest gift that I have received in this life is meeting You and the devotees and being able to dedicate, after years spent for my family and my job, the last ten years of my existence, 40 to 50, to spirituality and to the study and practice of Bhakti.”
While reading inside her heart, Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu asks her if she would like to receive the Holy Diksha.
Bhaktin Daniela reveals that receiving the spiritual initiation is her most intense desire, the most intimate, the deepest one that she does not dare to express.
The Lord reveals to the Spiritual Master what is hidden from words. The language of the soul triumphs and the Guru reads the thoughts, realizes other’s desires, the desires of those who look for Shelter, Truth and Love. Salvations manifests itself beyond words, it overcomes the barriers of space and it expands beyond the ties of time.
Sunday night, Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu tells us that on Tuesday he wants to go to the Bologna hospital where bhaktin Daniela is admitted, to perform the holy ritual and give her the Diksha.
However, the next day we receive the news that her conditions have worsened. The doctors tell us that she could die at anytime. The pain is excruciating and terrible.
Bhaktin Daniela’s husband confides to us: “Ask the devotees to pray so she can survive until Tuesday morning and be able to fulfil her dream.”
Bhaktin Daniela is waiting for her Spiritual Master and desires the consecration intensively. Her husband is transformed by witnessing her spiritual evolution. He has the same only wish, that death find her after initiation, protected and blessed by the Holy Diksha.
Time doesn’t wait. Death is coming. Spiritual life wants to blossom and triumph and overcome the suffering of her decaying body.
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu decides to anticipate his departure.
At 1600 hours on Monday, 26 January, He begins His journey toward bhaktin Daniela. Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu goes to her to help her recognizing Life, valuing it and loving it, the life of the eternal soul that transcends physical decay and is realized by the awakened person who allows others to discover it, feel it and realize it.
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu brings Tulasi leaves, water from 108 holy rivers, a toulasi necklace, Tilak, a japamala, a garland of flowers offered to Shrila Prabhupada, some holy books with holy mantras…and His Bhakti that permeates the heart, each of His gesture, word, move and intention.
We arrive at the hospital. It is 1830 PM. Bhaktin Daniela is in room of the Hospice that the dear devotees have prepared for this occasion, the Great Event. Garlands of flowers offered to the Deities are hung near the bed, of the bed there is a Shri Yatra, on a table there is a picture of Shrimati Radharani and Panchatattva, Bhagavad-Gita and other holy objects.
We enter. Together with Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu, other than me there are Paramtmaji, Bhaktirasa and Daniela’s husband. Bhaktin Daniela is miraculously lucid and conscientious. She was waiting for her Spiritual Master and her heart is crying with joy when she sees him.
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu asks her: “What is the holy image that is mostly dear to you and that you keep in your memory?”
“The Mercy of God” She replies.
“Concentrate on this image and visualize it. God is Love, Mercy and Compassion. The Name of God puts you in contact with God. It allows you to feel God inside you. Krishna manifests Himself in His Name. Learn to memorize Its sound also. Try to say: Krishna….Rama…can you?
“Yes” bhaktin Daniela says the Holy names: Krishna….Rama….
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu shows bhaktin Daniela the image of Shri Krishna with the flute.
Together they recite the Mahamantra.
“Is it your desire to receive the Holy Diksha?”
“Yes!”, bhaktin Daniela replies, with joy springing from her heart. She must lay in bed, her body does not move, the pain is excruciating, death is approaching, but the joy of the soul is springing.
“I wish you that you could discover God inside you. It is the most precious think existing. The only health that has a value is the spiritual one. Bodily health, we all lose it soon or later. No one can maintain it forever. Now I am going to put tilak on your forehead, this will purify your entire body.”
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu recites the Holy Mantra:
Om Keshavaya namah
Om Narayanayah namah
Then he sprinkles her head with Holy Water. “Now it is as if you went to all the pilgrimage places and that you had bathed in their holy waters.”
Bhaktin Daniela wispers: “I am too happy”.
“I brought Tulasi leaves for you. Do you remember Tulasi Devi?”
“Yes, I remember”, bhaktin Daniela answers and takes the Tulasi leaves.
“Can you taste it? It is the flavour of Krishna. Tulasi Devi represents dedication and devotion to God par excellence.”
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu continues: “These preparatory rites that we have performed, in this situation of apatsu dharma, substitute the holy fire. Shri Vishnu has arrived, He is here. It is like we had the holy fire before us.”
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu shows the image of Shri Krishna with the flute once again:
“Krishna, Krishna! Krishna, protect me!”
Bhaktin Daniela repeats.
“Since it is your desire that I initiate you to spiritual life, I offer my blessings to you for this evolutionary journey, for this journey toward Joy and Love. Your name will be: KRISHNABHAKTI dasi, the servant of the Divine Love. Think of Divine Love that is the clearest image that you have!”
Bhaktin Daniela, with a sweet smile says: “It is wonderful!”
“You become your name. This is your nityasvarupa, your eternal spiritual form. Worldly things have an end for everyone and they cannot be really possessed. As much as they shine, they always remain out of us, estranged from our nature, but Bhakti is inside us, it is us! Krishnabhakti dasi is a name of Shrimati Radharani. Shri Krishna expresses Bhakti through Shrimati Radharani. Repeat your name.”
And Krishnabhakti dasi, with love, repeats her name.
The holy mantra sounds in the air and in our hearts, it fills every visible and invisible space.
“Now you have undertaken the initiation journey. Now you are connected with God. Constantly repeat your name: Krishnabhakti dasi! Let it ring inside you. Maybe your words come out with difficulty, but inside you, you must hear you wonderful voice that sings this name. Nothing fearful is happening to you. Your disease is only referred to you body. You are not your body. You are your soul. Now think of yourself, live your inner serenity. You are the servant of Love for God. This is the reason why you came to this world. All of us come to play a certain role and to learn a great lesson: Love for God.
I would like for you to thank your husband for having being close to you so much and for how much he has loved you. He favoured you very much in this journey, he allowed you to make your decisions because he recognized their value. Try to express a thought for him.”
Her husband comes closer to Krishnabhakti dasi, hold her hand and she tells him: “Thank you very much”.
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu continues: “Would you like to confess anything? Would you like to get rid of some burdens? I am here to help you passing the most important exam of your life. Life is wonderful when we understand it on the spiritual level.”
Krishnabhakti dasi says: “Yes, however sometimes we can fall.”
“It is true, but not in your case. You are lucky.”
Then Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu asks for a mirror so Krishnabhakti dasi can see her nice tilaka.
“Everything is an expression of Krishna. Krishna has everything and gives everything. If you search for anything other than God, you can find anything except for God. If you look for God and you find Him, together with Him you will find everything, Mister Eckart said. God is everything.
The mantra that I am about to recite means: Krishna, show Yourself to me, Krishna, protect me.
Krishna pahimam
Krishna rakshamam”
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu starts singing the song and Krishnabhakti dasi sings with Him.
Bhaktirasa and I hold two imagines in front of Krishnabhakti dasi. One represents Shri Krishna playing the flute and the other one represents the merciful lotus face of Shrimati Radharani. Krishnabhakti looks at the divine images. She looks for them with her eyes and holds them with her hands. Then she looks for Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu’s hand.
The singing is spreading, it establishes itself in our hearts and enters our souls.
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu says to her: “You have received the most important of the sacraments that will free you from any danger and from any mistake you have made in the past. Now you can feel the lightness of your heart.”
The dear devotees that came to assist Krishnabhakti das are invited to enter the room.
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu pronounces her name loudly:
Krishnabhakti dasi ki, jay!
And all of the devotees repeat that blessed name.
“Shri Krishna is the Manifestation of Love, Compassion and Welcoming Krishnabhakti dasi, you are very lucky. You have many people that love you and that are close to you. Remember that you are not in any danger. The most intimate and true part of you is connected to Krishna. Hold this japamala, feel its contact. I brought it for you. Only by touching it you can remember me, Shri Krishna and your name. When you think of your name you are directly connected to the Lord.”
Krishnabhakti dasi holds the japamala and together with Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu she recites the Holy Names.
The pain in her body is excruciating. It is however proven in front of our eyes that pain does not affect her conscience.
A nurse enters the room to give her some painkiller to alleviate her pain. While the needle enters her flesh, between a wail of pain and the other, Krishnabhakti repeats her spiritual name that she has just received.
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu writes her name on a piece of paper and gives it to her. “This name will enlighten your journey. You will be protected by the memory of this name and by the memory of the experiences that you have lived with us.
Krishna, Krishna!
Hari, Hari!
Jaya Govinda!
Jaya Gopala!”
Krishnabhakti dasi repeats these Holy Names, she sings the divine glories.
“Be serene, you are not in any danger.” Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu says to her and she replies: “No danger.”
“You are going to a wonderful place, filled with light, greenery and happy people. Your dream will come true. You will feel that any pain of your body will end and you will strongly feel you spiritual dimension. Now just think of your nature of Love, only think about God.”
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu starts singing the Mahamantra in a very sweet tone and Krishnabhakti dasi sings with Him.
All the devotees begin to sing.
Krishnabhakti sings with them! Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu’s hand on hers, his other hand on her head.
Krishnabhakti sings! With the garland around her neck, her wonderful tilak on her forehead, Tulasi leaves in her moth and Love that pervades her mind, deep in her soul.
I pray inside me: “I wish I will have this immense luck, the greatest. Leaving my body at the presence of my Guru Maharaja who reminds me in this crucial moment what he has reminded me through my entire life: only the Spirit is real, It is Everything. It is the only Reality to research, love, desire and realize.”
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu is moved. The devotees are crying. They are tears of Love.
Shri Shri Radha Govinda Deva, ki jay!
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu asks that each devotee takes turn to come close to Krishnabhakti dasi. Other then the devotees already mentioned there are also Paramakaruna, her daughter Stefania, Jaya Govinda, bhaktin Lucia, bhaktin Angela, Bhadrarupini, Kaliyakrishna, bhakta Francesco and Paramananda.
Krishnabhakti dasi searches for her japamala, she holds it in her hands: it is the sign of her eternal tie to Shri Shri Guru and Krishna.
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu tells her: “Now we are leaving and leave you with the memory of your name. You will feel that you are perfectly protected. All of us are with you in your journey, all directed toward the same supreme goal: Divine Love.”
With the highest level of voice that her body allows, Krishnabhakti dasi happily says: “It has been so beautiful!”
Bhaktirasa starts singing the prayer to Lord Nrsimhadeva. With the little strength remaining in her body, Krishnabhakti dasi moves her lips softly. We see her: in her heart, she sings the glories to God!
…keshava dhrita narahari rupa, jaya jagadisha hare, jaya jagadisha hare, jaya jagadisha hare...
the Divine Name: Salvation, Life, Spiritual Happiness defeat suffering, Eternity defeats death.
Krishnabhakti dasi wispers: “Thank you for all of this.”
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu: “I am certain that Shri Krishna will take care of you wonderfully. If you need anything, ask Krishna and Krishna will satisfy you. Krishna is Kamadeva, He fulfils any wish. Krishna is endless Mercy, and this is the meaning of the spiritual name that you have received. Keep it as a treasure inside yourself and it will lead you to full success. Life is a journey and this journey has been very lucky for you.”
“Yes, it is very lucky.” Krishnabhakti dasi says this by articulating well these words, just like her consciousness is very clear, lucid and distinct.
“You told me that the divine form that is most dear to you is the one of Mercy and Compassion. Think about Krishna and about His Manifestation of Mercy, this will ease your journey. Look at this image (Krishna that caresses Shrimati Radharani’s lotus feet with His face).”
“Wonderful!” Krishnabhakti says.
“Would you like to have it?”, Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu asks her.
“Yes!”
“It is one of the most beautiful images, I am very affectionate to it.”
“No, then…You keep it.” Krishnabhakti dasi says with care and sensibility, however Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu answers: “I brought it for you, keep it!”
Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu asks her to repeat: “Krishna is our Eternal Friend. Krishna is our Eternal Lover. He is our Joy and Salvation. He is in all the creatures and all the creatures get sustainment from him.
He continues: “If you feel attracted by this image of Krishna, your life has already reached success. Worldly images, even the most beautiful ones do not last. Spiritual images, however cannot ne taken from us. Memorize this divine image and live with this form of the Lord. In Bhagavad-Gita Krishna says: “He who thinks about Me, comes to Me.”
Remember when we used to sing the Holy Names together during our Seminars?
Now we are all with you, we wish you a wonderful journey, with joy, light and Divine Love. The Divine Love that moves the sun and the other stars…remember how much you loved that Seminar on Dante and Bhagavad-Gita?”
KrishnaBhakti dasi answers with enthusiasm: “Oh yes!’
Those that are there observing and listening, can see clearly that Life overcomes death!
“For the soul there is non birth or death. It exists and it never stops existing. It does not die when the body dies.”
“We are in the same journey, on the same boat. We have left from the unhappiness bank to reach the happiness one.”
“Yes, we must believe this.” Says Krishnabhakti dasi with all of her might.
“If you pronounce Krishna’s name, Krishna will become your Reality. Chant your spiritual name inside you and Krishna will grant you infinite Mercy. Chant the Holy Names of the Lord and you will receive plenty of success from this life experience….See you soon!”
Krishnabhakti dasi answers: “See you soon”. She repeats it twice.
The devotees leave the room one at the time and before they go, each of them approaches Krishnabhakti dasi to say farewell.
When I approach her calling her by her name, she says: “This name is wonderful, filled with sweetness!” I add: “I am so happy that you are now a God sister!” She answers with joy: “Me too, very much!”
Then she tells Gurudeva: “Thank You for loving me.”
And he replies: “ May the Lord enlighten and protect you always.”
While we were leaving that room, where Life overcomes death, Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu says: “What matters in our existence is how much we have realized Divine Love. These special moments structure and enforce our spiritual consciousness. We can witness the reality of death and the level of serenity that we can face it with.”
While we are exiting, we see many other rooms where there are terminally ill patients, other consciences, other lives. The TVs are blasting in those rooms where those who must face death are already dead inside. Emptiness rules and causes despair.
We walk by a room where the ward nurses gather. Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu greets them by putting his hands together and bowing his head, as a sign of prayer and they do the same. They gesture and their looks lead us to believe that in a certain way they have understood the importance of what was done. It seems that a little hope has reached them, the suffering assistant to the suffering, that do not have the instruments to understand the meaning of death and the precious lesson of life.
The head nurse had attended Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu’s ECM Seminar and the nurse that is assisting Krishnabhakti dasi would like to learn more about the spiritual teachings that we are practicing. Life brings Life.
As we exit the hospital, Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu says: “ The moment of death is the most crucial moment of the entire life. It is where we play our future whether it will be made of sufferance, or wrapped in darkness, or shining joy of Divine Light.”
It is almost nine at night. We get in the car. The devotees are moved, happy and deeply touched by the extraordinary experience. They say farewell to Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu and offer their obeisances by chanting a kirtana.
They have been unforgettable hours, an experience out of space and time that will remain in our memory forever.
My heart screams: “Krishnabhakti dasi, we are with you! Our beloved Master is in the centre. If we always follow Him, He will guide us to Krishna. He will teach us with his life, example and True Love.”
Right before her health worsened, Krishnabhakti dasi was preparing an exam on the philosophy of Bhagavad-Gita, within the Theology Course. She had reached the following chapter: “Reaching the Supreme”. And we saw our Master accompanying her on the path that leads to God!
I hope that this Life lesson will help each one of us!
Let’s not waste our time, let’s dedicate our life to Life!
I deeply reflect on what has happened and thank Shri Shri Guru and Krishna for this wonderful and very important experience. The Shastra say that the contact with a pure devotee of the Lord can shortly transform the life of any living being from conditioned to liberated and to a fervent lover of God.
The Merciful work of a pure devotee penetrates the daily existence, actions, thoughts, desires, emotions and the sentiments of he who predisposed himself to receive it until his entire conscience is permeated. The studies performed by Krishnabhakti dasi, her association with the devotees, her participation in Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu’s seminars (her last one was on 30 Nov 08), her listening of countless lessons, the individual study sessions or the ones performed by Bhaktirasa, her chanting of the Holy Names…this is how Life progressively awakes us. Love that relights the Wisdom that enlightens, God that manifest Himself in a man and the man that reconnects to God, by discovering Him in his intimate self.
Thank you very much, Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu for the instruments of salvation that you have given us and that you continue to give us to allow us to realize Bhakti, the only purpose of life.
THANK YOU! Thank from me, Krishnabhakti dasi and all of those that have benefitted from Your teaching and that will benefit from them in the future!
Have a great journey, Krishnabhakti dasi!
See you soon!
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